---

If we were sitting across from each other right now, coffee in hand, I’d probably just start talking like this…

I usually wake up somewhere between 4:30 and 5:00am, no alarm needed. And if I’m being completely honest, my first thought most mornings is just… I miss her. That part doesn’t really go away, it just kind of settles in and walks through the day with me.

Then reality kicks in, and yes, the very first thing I do is go pee 😄 because let’s not pretend we’re fancy over here.

Mornings are actually my favorite part of the day. It’s quiet, peaceful, and it feels like the world hasn’t started asking anything from me yet. I’ve always got my coffee, always my water too, trying to balance things out like a responsible adult… or at least pretending to.

I usually have a bit more energy in the mornings, a little more pep in my step, but by the time noon rolls around, that energy starts fading and I can feel myself slowing down.

Most of my days right now are spent in the kitchen. I’ve been doing a lot of baking and cooking, testing recipes, keeping myself busy so my mind doesn’t wander too far. And it’s not nearly as put together as it might look from the outside. I’m constantly going back and forth between my desk and the kitchen. I’ll print a recipe, walk into the kitchen, and already start changing it before I even begin. It’s a lot of trial and error, but it keeps me going.

What people don’t always see is that some days are really hard. Physically, I’m dealing with a lot right now. My back and my leg have been giving me trouble, so my walker, Frieda, has become my little sidekick in the kitchen. That’s just part of my normal right now.

And emotionally… it’s been pretty lonely. I think that’s a big part of why I’ve been baking so much. It gives me something to focus on when my emotions feel all over the place. And no, I don’t even eat most of it. I just bake. It helps.

Mentally, I’ve got a lot going on. I won’t sugarcoat it, I am struggling, but I’m also holding my own, and right now that’s enough. What’s been helping me get through my days is baking, my weekly counseling, and of course Sir Kit Kat, who takes his role very seriously.

He sleeps, he judges, he annoys me, and he demands treats like he’s running the place. He can sit on command, shake a paw, sit pretty, and we’re working on laying down and rolling over, because apparently I’m raising a tiny overachiever. But honestly, he keeps me company more than he probably realizes.

By the end of the day, I’m usually cleaning the kitchen again and then settling into my rocking chair with him beside me. How I feel at night really depends on the day. Sometimes I feel proud, sometimes I feel exhausted, and sometimes I feel like I didn’t do enough. I’ve always been hard on myself, and I’m trying to work on that.

If I’m being really honest with you, this blog… it’s given me my voice back. I didn’t even realize how much I needed that until now.

So tell me… what do your days actually look like right now? And be honest with me… are you doing okay, or are you just getting through? 💛

Share it in the comments and let’s start this month together.

And if this post spoke to you, feel free to share it with someone who might need this reminder too.

Thank you for being here, for reading, and for being part of this space.

Here’s to an Amazing April!.

— Shelly 💛

---