When people talk about “healing,” I sometimes wonder what they picture.

Maybe they imagine someone slowly getting better day by day until everything feels normal again.

I don’t know what healing looks like for everyone else.

But I know what I hope it eventually feels like for me.

I picture feeling lighter.
Actually being happy.
Not pretending.

Because if I’m being honest, the reality of healing looks very different than what most people imagine.

For me, it often feels like every time I get into a good place… life knocks me down again.

Hard.

Two steps forward.
Ten steps back.

But I’m learning something important in the middle of all of that.

Healing isn’t about never falling down again.

It’s about learning how to get back up.

Sometimes getting back up takes a little time. Sometimes it takes a lot longer depending on how big the blow was.

And that’s okay.

The hard days are real.

There are days with a lot of tears, even though I tend to fight them. Days where I wander around the house trying to settle my mind while my brain goes into overdrive.

Eventually it hits a point where my brain just… shuts down.

Almost like it’s saying, “Enough.”

And then I crash.

Grief and trauma can come in waves like that.

Sometimes they show up out of nowhere. Sometimes something triggers them. And sometimes the emotions just arrive when you least expect it.

I’m learning to let those emotions come when they need to.

Then move forward when I’m ready.

Trauma can be a little trickier, especially when you get stuck in what I call a “trauma loop.” That’s a whole different conversation for another day.

On the hardest days, I try to lean on the people closest to me.

I won’t lie, that’s not always easy for me.

Reaching out when I’m right in the middle of the storm is something I’m still learning how to do.

But I’m lucky.

I have a small circle that truly cares, and an incredible counselor that I somehow lucked out with. If things get really heavy and I send her an email, I can usually expect a phone call pretty quickly.

I told you… I really did get the best one.

One of the ways I know healing is happening, even if it’s slow, is how long I stay in those hard moments.

Sometimes it’s hours.
Sometimes it’s days.
Sometimes longer depending on what’s happening.

But I’m getting better at finding my way forward again.

I’m also getting better at asking for help.

That might sound like a small thing, but for me it’s actually huge.

For most of my life I bottled everything up.

Now I’m starting to reach out more. I’m starting to recognize who is truly there for me and who isn’t.

And that’s part of healing too.

I think one of the reasons people struggle so much with healing is because the world still puts so many expectations on us.

How we should act.
How we should feel.
How we should look.
How we should move on.

Mental health is still surrounded by a lot of misunderstanding and pressure.

But healing doesn’t work on someone else’s timeline.

It happens at your pace.

I’m still learning patience with myself.

I’ve learned a lot about who I am over the past couple of years. One thing I’m realizing is that I’m stronger than I give myself credit for.

I still have a long way to go.

But every day I’m learning something new about myself that I can be proud of.

If you’re reading this and you feel like you’re “failing” at healing, I want you to hear this clearly.

You’re not failing.

If anything, the fact that you care enough to worry about it shows how strong you already are.

There is no perfect way to heal.

There is no timeline.

Healing happens differently for each of us.

For me, what keeps me going is Nicole.

The promise I made to her.

And the community we’re building here together.

Healing isn’t linear because every one of us walks a different path.

And the only timeline that matters… is your own.

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💬 Your Turn

Have you ever felt like your healing journey was two steps forward and ten steps back?

You’re not alone. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.