⚠️ Gentle Content Note

This post includes discussion of trauma and past struggles with suicidal thoughts while navigating grief and healing.

If you are feeling overwhelmed or need someone to talk to, help is available.
In Canada and the United States, call or text 9-8-8 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline anytime.

Support is there. You are not alone.

Life used to feel like I was wound tight all the time.

The smallest thing could set me off. I didn’t understand why back then. I just knew that everything felt intense and overwhelming.

I had a habit of holding everything in.

I’d keep the peace on the outside… until eventually I exploded.

That cycle is exhausting. And for years it felt like the only way I knew how to survive.

Spiraling could take many forms for me. Looking back now, I can see how much pain and chaos I was carrying.

But things started to shift after Nicole passed.

Losing her changed how I see everything.

It reminded me how fragile life is and how precious our time here really is. And it forced me to realize something difficult but important:

If I want to keep functioning in this world, I have to protect my peace.

That doesn’t mean everything is suddenly easy.

Trauma doesn’t just disappear because you decide to heal. Some days everything still feels triggering. Some days the noise in my head is loud.

But I’m learning.

I’m learning that respect matters.
I’m learning that my energy is limited.
And I’m learning that I don’t have to fight to keep people in my life.

If someone doesn’t want me there, I won’t chase them anymore.

That kind of chasing costs too much.

Instead, I’m focusing on the things that help anchor me.

My counselor, who has helped guide me through some of the hardest parts of this journey.

And Sir Kit Kat, who somehow always knows when I need him most.

They remind me that calm isn’t weakness.

Calm is strength.

It’s choosing not to react to every storm.
It’s defending yourself when necessary.
It’s walking away when something threatens your peace.

Some people don’t like this version of me.

And that’s okay.

That’s their problem to work through.

Peace isn’t about avoiding life.

It’s about navigating it.

And I’m still learning how to do that every single day.

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💛 Your Turn

What helps you protect your peace when life feels overwhelming?

If this resonates with you, I’d love for you to leave a comment on the blog itself. I read every one.