Good Morning my friend! ☕💜

Well… May is almost over.

How the heck did that happen?

It honestly feels like yesterday I was looking at the calendar wondering where the month was going to go, and now here we are talking about June already. Life is funny that way. Some days feel like they last forever, and then suddenly an entire month is packed up and heading out the door.

You know what word keeps popping into my head when I think about May?

Growth.

Not because it was some magical month where everything suddenly got better. Trust me, there were still days where I wanted to grab the purple crayons, build a blanket fort with Sir Kit Kat, and avoid adulthood completely. Honestly, some days that still sounds like a pretty solid plan. 😂

But when I look back at the beginning of the month and compare it to where I am now, something feels different.

I don’t feel like I’m surviving anymore.

I feel like I’m starting to live again.

That doesn’t mean everything is perfect. It doesn’t mean grief packed up its bags and moved out. I still miss Nikki every single day, and I always will. But the heaviness doesn’t feel quite as heavy lately. It’s almost like someone quietly turned the volume down a notch.

One thing that really surprised me this month was how much I’ve started letting people back into my life. If you’ve been hanging around here for a while, you know I like a plan. I like knowing what’s happening. I like having time to mentally prepare. This month though, I found myself saying yes to last-minute visits and spending time with people whose company filled my cup instead of draining it.

And you know what?

I actually enjoyed it.

That might not sound like a huge deal, but for me it really is. A few months ago, I would have found a dozen reasons to stay home alone. This month, I found myself looking forward to the visits, the conversations, and the connection.

I think that’s one of the biggest signs that healing is happening.

Not because the hurt is gone.

Because life is making room for other things again.

Laughter. Friendship. Hope. Connection.

Speaking of laughter, I don’t think I could pick the funniest moment of May if I tried. There were way too many. Most of them probably involved Sir Kit Kat doing something ridiculous. That cat has had more firings and rehirings than anyone I know. Yet somehow he still managed to keep Employee of the Month status.

His official May review wasn’t exactly glowing.

Supervision Skills: 6 out of 10. Frequently caught sleeping during important shifts.

Nap Efficiency: 100 out of 10. Honestly impressive.

Emotional Support: 10 out of 10. Somehow he always knows when I need him.

Household Contributions: 0 out of 10. Unless fur and litter box deposits count as contributions.

After a thorough review, management has decided to keep him employed. Mostly because he’s fluffy and cute. 😼

The kitchen ended up teaching me a few things this month too. I always knew I loved creating recipes and meal prepping, but I didn’t realize just how much peace I find in that space. There’s something about turning on some music, getting lost in a recipe, and focusing on what’s right in front of me that helps quiet everything else for a while.

Of course, the kitchen also taught me that maybe, just maybe, I should pace myself.

Now before you fall off your chair laughing, yes, I know. Me? Pace myself? That’s adorable.

But after cleaning out the deep freeze and aggravating my back, I think the universe may have been trying to send me a message. Whether I listen to it remains to be seen. 😂

One thing I’m definitely leaving behind in May is that little voice that likes to whisper, “I don’t know if I can.”

I’ve listened to that voice long enough.

Instead, I want to head into June with a different thought:

“You won’t know unless you try.”

I like that one better.

It’s not about being fearless. It’s not about pretending everything is easy. It’s just about giving myself permission to try. To take the chance. To step outside my comfort zone once in a while.

After all, that’s exactly what I did this month.

And honestly?

I’m pretty proud of that.

As for the soundtrack of May, I don’t think there is any debate. Jelly Roll wins by a landslide with I’m Not Okay. Not because of the first part of the title, but because of the second part.

“I’m not okay, but I’m going to be alright.”

That pretty much sums up May perfectly.

Because there were moments this month when I wasn’t okay.

But there were also moments when I sat on my balcony with my coffee, felt the sun on my face, listened to music, or spent time with a friend and thought…

Yeah.

I think I’m going to be alright.

And maybe that’s what May taught me more than anything.

Growth doesn’t always happen in giant leaps.

Sometimes it happens in coffee cups, kitchen experiments, balcony sunrises, and conversations with people who remind you who you are.

Sometimes it happens so quietly that you don’t even notice it until you look back.

Then one day you realize you’re smiling more.

Laughing more.

Planning things again.

Letting people in.

Feeling your spark coming back.

And that’s exactly what I’m taking with me into June.

Not perfection.

Not some giant goal.

Just growth.

Little pieces of me finding their way back home.

So before May officially slips away tonight, let me ask you something.

What’s one thing May taught YOU about yourself? 💜

I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

💛

Share it in the comments and let’s keep this conversation going.

And if this post spoke to you, feel free to share it with someone who might need this reminder too.

Thank you for being here, for reading, and for being part of this space.

We’re figuring this out one day at a time… together.

— Shelly 💛