You know, I think something has changed around here. And honestly, I didn’t really notice it until this week. I have been learning to enjoy what I have created instead of immediately looking around and thinking, “Okay, what needs fixing now?” 😂 This week I was in my kitchen baking carrot muffins and making homemade JUMBO Monster Garlic Parmesan Buns, and I was having fun. Like, actually having fun. I was trying something new, watching everything come together, and loving being in my kitchen again. And those buns? Well, let’s just say I didn’t realize they were going to become MONSTER buns! 😂 They were HUGE!

I think a big part of that change has been routines. I know, I know… I’m 52 years old and I am talking about routines like I just discovered sliced bread. 😂 But routines and structure really help me stay on track. I need my normal routines, but they are definitely not written in stone. I still need room to breathe or I start feeling trapped. When I have my routine and structure, things just seem to settle down a little bit and I can keep all my “feels” at bay. When that routine gets completely thrown out the window, well… oh boy! 😂 My anxiety goes through the roof, I can’t focus, and everything just feels harder. It is really hard to explain unless you deal with the same kind of thing yourself, and I don’t say that to be rude. It’s just one of those things that is really hard to explain to someone who hasn’t experienced it.

I’ve also spent a LOT of my life being hard on myself. I have always wanted things to be perfect. I still thrive for perfection, let’s be honest, but I am learning that I don’t always have to be perfect. I think that is a pretty big shift for me. I’m learning that I don’t have to be perfect in order to “have it together.” And maybe those two things aren’t even the same thing. Maybe having it together isn’t having everything perfect. Maybe it’s knowing what you need, knowing when you need to slow down, and being able to keep moving forward even when everything isn’t exactly the way you planned it.

And speaking of slowing down, that has been another big lesson for me. I used to think a lazy day was any day where I put my feet up, rested, or listened to my body. If I wasn’t doing something, I felt like I should be doing something. I think we are influenced by that from the time we are little. How many times have you heard someone say, “Stop being lazy,” because you weren’t doing something? I think that gets planted in our heads and then we carry it around with us for years. Unlearning that isn’t easy. I still feel guilty sometimes when I’m resting, but not like I used to. I’m learning that those days where I put my feet up and listen to my body aren’t lazy days. Sometimes they are necessary days. My body needs time to heal too.

And honestly, my definition of a good day has completely changed. A good day used to mean surviving. Now a good day means living. Smiling. Singing away while I’m working on new recipes in my kitchen. Getting lost in what I’m doing. Trying something new. Having food ready in the freezer. Looking around and realizing that I actually enjoy being here. That is a pretty big change when you think about it.

And I think that’s why the baking has been so much fun for me lately. I have always loved cooking and baking, but I haven’t baked as often as I would like. This week I made carrot muffins and then decided to tackle these JUMBO Monster Garlic Parmesan Buns. And look at them! 😂 I honestly didn’t think they were going to get THAT big! I started with these little pieces of dough and somehow ended up with these giant monsters sitting on my counter. I mean seriously, look at those things! 😂

There is something about baking that I really love. Maybe it’s watching something you created turn into something completely different once it goes into the oven. Maybe it’s the smell filling the kitchen. Maybe it’s just the process of measuring, mixing, creating, and waiting to see what happens. Whatever it is, I’m enjoying it again. I’m not just cooking because I need to eat. I’m not baking because I have to. I’m actually enjoying the process again. And apparently, when I enjoy the process, I make bread monsters. 😂

Meal prep and routines have helped with that too. Knowing I have meals ready to go, knowing my kitchen is almost set up the way I want it, and having routines in place has made my harder days a whole lot easier. Something has changed because I haven’t been having as many hard days lately. I’m not saying every day is perfect because we all know that would be a lie. 😂 But something is different. I have things in place that make life easier for me, and I think that has made a bigger difference than I realized.

Of course, we cannot talk about my routines without talking about the actual manager of this household. Sir Kit Kat. 😂 We all know he RUNS the routines around here. Just yesterday morning, at 4:34 AM, this boy started MEOWING very loudly because he had decided he wanted clean water. I had literally changed it before bed at 10 PM. Apparently that was ancient history and completely unacceptable. So yes, he runs the house. I just pay the mortgage. 😂 His daily schedule is basically stretch, yawn, eat, demand things, sleep, demand more things, and supervise me whenever he feels like it.

When I look at everything that has been changing lately, I think that’s the part that makes me realize this isn’t just about getting organized anymore. I’m creating routines that help me, I’m making my home work better for me, I’m cooking and meal prepping, and I’m finding things that I genuinely enjoy doing again. I can get into my kitchen and lose myself in a recipe instead of thinking about everything else I should be doing. I can bake some ridiculous giant buns and laugh when they come out of the oven. 😂 And I can actually enjoy the fact that I made them.

Because sometimes we get so focused on accomplishing things that we forget to actually enjoy doing them.

I am learning that I don’t have to spend every day trying to fix something, organize something, accomplish something, or make myself better. Sometimes I can just make some ridiculously huge garlic parmesan buns and laugh when I realize I may have accidentally created bread monsters. 😂

And I think that is where I am right now. I’m learning that routines can help me without controlling me. I’m learning that rest isn’t laziness. I’m learning that a good day doesn’t have to mean I accomplished everything on my list. And I’m learning that I can have things together without having everything perfect.

If I could go back and talk to the earlier version of me who was constantly trying to get everything done, I think I would just sit beside her for a minute and say, “You are doing great. Just keep going. Don’t focus on the bad days. Look towards the good ones.”

Because there are good ones.

There are mornings when Sir KK wakes me up at 4:34 because apparently water has an expiration date. 😂 There are days when I’m singing in my kitchen while I create a new recipe. There are freezer meals waiting for me when I don’t have the energy to cook. There are people coming over, wraps being made, babies being snuggled, and laughter happening in my home.

And now there are giant garlic parmesan buns sitting on my counter.

I think I’ll take that.

Maybe that is what this next chapter is really about. Not trying to have everything perfect. Not trying to accomplish everything every single day. Not beating myself up when I need to stop.

Just living.

Actually living.

And maybe tomorrow I’ll bake something else.

Because apparently Shelly has rediscovered baking… and my kitchen better watch itself. 😂💜

☕ So, if you’re sitting across the table from me with your coffee right now, I want to ask you something:

What are you learning to enjoy again?

Not accomplish.
Not organize.
Not fix.

Enjoy. 💜

Love Always,
☕ Shelly