Have you ever reached a point in your life where you suddenly realize, “You know what? I actually like being with me.”? 😂 I have, and honestly, it feels pretty damn good. For a long time, I don’t think I was comfortable in my own skin. It took me a lot of work and a long time to get to this point, but I’m finally comfortable with myself. I enjoy being with me, and that’s something I never thought I’d be able to say so easily.

I think one of the biggest reasons I enjoy having my own space now is because I don’t have to cater to anyone else. I don’t have to worry about somebody else’s concerns or whether I’m doing things the way they want them done. And I’m not saying that’s a bad thing in a relationship because obviously, when you’re with someone, you care about them and their needs matter too. But in my past relationships, I always seemed to lose myself. I would get so wrapped up in the other person and the relationship that I would forget about me. I would put myself aside, and somewhere along the way I stopped doing the things that made me feel like Shelly.

Now I get to do things my way. If I want to spend the afternoon in my kitchen meal prepping, that’s what I’m doing. If I want to organize something, I’m organizing it. If I want to sit with my coffee and work on my laptop for hours, well… that’s probably exactly what I’m going to do. 😂 And honestly, I enjoy doing pretty much everything alone now. I’ve been on my own for a long time, and I’ve gotten really comfortable with it. I do love having people over, and I’m really enjoying having friends around again, but I like being able to do it on my terms. When everyone goes home, I can go right back to doing my own thing and I’m perfectly happy.

I’m also not very good at doing absolutely nothing. 😂 I’ve tried. I really have. I’ll think, “Okay, today I’m going to sit down, watch TV and just relax.” Yeah… that doesn’t work for me! Watching TV isn’t enough. I have to be doing something with my hands or my brain. I need something to occupy me. That’s probably why I always have some kind of project going on. Meal prep, cooking, organizing, working on my laptop, labeling A Spice Affair products, making blankets, working on fundraiser things… there is always something happening around here. And I actually like it that way. I don’t feel like I need to constantly be doing something because I can’t stand my own company. I do it because I genuinely enjoy being busy.

There is also a BIG difference between being alone and being lonely. I live alone… well, don’t tell Sir KK I said that because apparently he considers himself a full-time member of this household. 😂🐾 But being lonely is completely different. I think that’s one of the reasons I kept myself so busy in the past. When things got quiet, sometimes the loneliness got pretty loud. I’m finding that I’m much more comfortable in my home now, and I don’t feel that same loneliness the way I used to. I can have a quiet day by myself and actually enjoy it.

And opening my home back up to people has made that even better. My close circle has grown a little, and one of my new friends, who I absolutely adore, comes over early in the morning for coffee. I LOVE it! We’re both early birds, so it works perfectly. We sit and catch up about what’s happened since we last saw each other, have our coffee, talk about our days, and then she heads off to get ready for work while I get back to work. It’s such a simple thing, but it starts my day with a smile. I love those early morning knocks at my door and seeing a smiling face. It reminds me that I can really enjoy my own company and still have people in my life that I love spending time with.

And then there are the days when I completely disappear into my laptop. 😂 I’m a workaholic behind the scenes. I can sit down to work on something and completely lose track of time. I’ll look at the clock and wonder where the heck the afternoon went. But I don’t mind because I’m usually working on something I enjoy. I like having things that are mine. I like creating things, working on projects and having something to keep my hands and brain busy.

I’ve also been having more moments lately where I look around my home and think, “Yep… I actually like my life.” My apartment is slowly turning into a home, and I love seeing it come together. I wake up and look into my living room and smile. I walk in there and it makes me happy. Of course, right now there is an assembly line of Petals for Nicole fundraiser kits taking over part of the place, so maybe I’m not smiling at every single piece of the mess. 😂 But even that makes me smile because I know why I’m doing it. I’m working hard to raise awareness and to Keep My Nicole’s Name Spoken. 💜

And then, of course, there’s Sir KK. He isn’t just some cat that lives here. He’s family. He’s my baby boy. Just ask him and he’ll agree with me. 😂🐾 He’s been here through everything, and I’m pretty sure he thinks he’s the one taking care of me. If you asked him whether I live alone, he’d probably look at you like you’re completely ridiculous. “Of course she doesn’t live alone. I’M HERE!” 😂 And honestly, he’s right.

I think one of the biggest things I’ve learned through all of this is that you need to be comfortable with yourself before you can be comfortable with anyone else. That was probably the best advice I didn’t listen to for years. 😂 Yes, you read that right. I heard it. I just didn’t listen to it. It took me a long time before it finally sank in. But when it did, I started understanding what people meant.

I don’t need to lose myself in another person anymore. I don’t need to change who I am to make somebody else comfortable. I don’t need somebody else around every minute of the day to feel like my life is full. I can enjoy my own space, my routines, my projects, my coffee and my crazy spice collection. 😂 I can spend an afternoon meal prepping and be perfectly happy doing it. I can spend hours working on my laptop and enjoy that too. And I can still love having people come through my door.

I think that’s what has changed the most for me. I’m opening my home back up. I’m making new friends. I’m having coffee with people. I’m laughing more. I’m letting people into my life again, but I’m not losing myself in it. I’m still me. And that’s actually a pretty amazing feeling after spending so many years forgetting who I was.

When I really think about it, I wouldn’t change my life the way things are right now. I’m content. I’m happy. There are still things outside of my control that I wish were different. There are relationships I wish hadn’t ended and things I wish I could change, but I can’t. They’re out of my control. So now I hand those things over to God and let Him handle them. I still care, of course I do, but I don’t feel like I have to carry everything anymore.

I think that’s probably one of the biggest changes in me. I’m finally comfortable being Shelly. The Shelly who loves coffee, meal prep and way too many spices. 😂 The Shelly who can spend hours working on her laptop, gets ridiculously happy when something is organized, wants to start making blankets again, loves having friends over and also loves going back to her quiet home when everyone leaves. And apparently the Shelly who has a very fluffy landlord named Sir KK. 😂🐾

It took me a long time to get here, but I finally understand what that advice meant all those years ago. You really do need to be comfortable with yourself before you can be comfortable with anyone else. I just wish I’d listened sooner. 😂 But I guess sometimes we hear things when we’re younger and they just don’t mean the same thing until we’ve lived enough life to understand them.

Now, when I have my coffee, look around my home, hear Sir KK doing whatever the heck he’s doing, and get back to whatever project I’ve got going on, I can honestly say I like my life. I like my home. I like the people I’m letting into it. And I like my own company.

It took me long enough. 😂💜

Now I want to hear from you…

Have you ever reached a point where you became comfortable enough with yourself that you actually started enjoying your own company?

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass… it’s about finding reasons to smile while the rain is still falling.

Stay kind.
Stay grateful.
YOU Matter!

Shelly 💜